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Conversations 26 May 2006

Posted by Sasha in Mood Notes, Philosophy & Paradox, The Brooder.
    “It’s funny how you stumble upon something that eventually becomes your life’s passion, huh?” She tilts her head.

It really is magical how some things are so common and seemingly irrelevant yet as you age and look back, you’d realize how the trivialities of life become the core of your being. It, sometimes, comes as a surprise on how you’d get to find out what you wanna do and what you’re really meant to do.

    “…It’s funny how we’re all alive and living life.” He answers.

    “Is it funny? there you are studying the theories and mysteries of life, soon you will be able to unlock it. in time, you will get to feel how it is to be ‘God’ somehow.”
    She spats back, good-naturedly.

Not everyone would stop and consider the greatness of creation nor would really study the science behind it all. But once a person does, it’ll be worth it. I can only imagine what things will be revealed to him or her. It’ll be a great honor to have that kind of knowledge.

    “I guess I can say that I am in the process of finding myself. The practicality of life hinders me in leading the bohemian lifestyle that I somewhat long for.” She laughs.

We do long for the simple and easy life, don’t we? Well, it’s already a fact of life that it’ll never be easy. so what? it makes life far more interesting that way, right? The way you would think of and pray for all your dreams to come true before you go to bed at night; or the poignancy of a moment of success or failure; the emotions evoked by the mere walking on the streets of Manila or by the mere listening to conversations or music in a crowded club. Every simple thing that you’d often overlook would somehow crawl into your heart and remind you that you should find joy in the journey. And in every step you will find pieces of yourself until you become whole.

I’m here again, reminded of missed opportunities. But it’s part of life, huh? I’m looking forward to the fulfillment of a promise, though. The past will serve its purpose. A better me, perhaps? I can only hope. The past few days has been a time of recollection and prayer. I am hoping for the best and I will know the answer in a few days. All I have to do is wait, which is something really hard to do.


Life, Mortality & Existence 15 April 2006

Posted by Sasha in Philosophy & Paradox, Quotes, The Brooder.

“What makes man a man? A friend of mine once wondered. Is it his origins? The way he comes to life? I don’t think so. It’s the choices he make. Not how he starts things but how he decides to end them.”

At the end of light then comes darkness. A few dwell in it and fewer ponders on its very existence. As a man, we see life filled with colors and shrug off the hues that we consider bland. We often think that the people live in such manner are the snobs but most of the time, it is the ones who live in the dark who looks down on others. People who embrace it remove themselves from the crowd and and silently pity us who are not enlightened.

I am considered one of the common people. A mongrel. I am no magi. Yes, I don’t understand it. I have bits and pieces of the knowledge but I guess I am not fit to live it. Perhaps I choose not to accept it. Ancient thoughts equals great power. I just don’t understand it.

However, this is what I say… I know you exist. I fell victim to the machinations of your ways. Is it humane? Is it to edify mortality? Wanting something outside this weak being, it’s understandable. Seeking paths to immortality has been around since the beginning of everything. It has been the ultimate temptation for man’s fall.

One life.
I will not be able to live this one again. This what makes everything beautiful. The knowledge of an inevitable end. The capacity to make mistakes. To be able to feel every emotion known to man alone.

It is sad that you don’t seem to feel the same way about it.

You know what? I really don’t care anymore. Heh.

Full Moon and its Magic 13 April 2006

Posted by Sasha in Philosophy & Paradox, The Brooder.
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Tides rise in greeting. Eerie thoughts are conjured. It’s when silver lights are seen in the darkness; there are shadows in the night.

I love it when there’s a full moon like tonight. At least, I’d have it as a companion in my nightly cigarette sessions out on the front. Apart from the stars, the moon will cast a glow on earth, still dark but not totally. I love it. It brings mystery and gloom. It’s like a bad memory that haunts you but leaves you with a sense of awe. Weird, I know.

It’s just sun’s light bouncing off on a rock’s surface. What is so special about that, you might think. It’s the fact that it can and it has for millions of years. It’s been around to witness many great horrors and triumphs of this world. If you sit in silence, perhaps it will whisper its wisdom and let you touch the diamond studded, black velvet we call the night sky.

There is magic in everything. It’s a matter of how you see them, that’s all.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. 10 April 2006

Posted by Sasha in Philosophy & Paradox, The Brooder.

I’m racking my brain for things I want to do in life. What is my greatest passion? Honestly, I find myself stumped.

What do I normally do nowadays?

I’ve been blogging — a lot is an understatement. Teehee. I like fiddling with photoshop. And I’m such an OC about images that I use in some of my blogs. I love coming up with designs for clothes and gowns. I still have to get around to learning how to used a goddamn sewing machine! I’m finding that I love to take photographs, ones that have people in it. It’s great that I’ve had tons of opportunities to practice and learn but I still find that it’s not enough. I like writing, creating concepts, stories and analyzing theories. I love listening to music and watching music videos. I love watching films and documentaries. I love reading books because I learn a lot. I love traveling because I get to see and experience what’s out there.

Whenever I try to think of what I really want to do in life, I find myself wishing that I’d get to do something that I really love without worrying about the practicality of everything else. In the end, I always suffer a migraine from all the thinking. Bleh.

“It’s alright to think of what you want to do until you have to do what you’re meant to do.” Which is it anyway? What is it that I have to do and what is it that I’m meant to do? Uh — what is it that I want to do anyway? Pffft. I want to do a lot of things but there’s that nagging voice in my head that tells me that I have to be responsible and I have to grow up.

What does it really mean to be “grown up” anyway? What if all I wanted was the simple life? Does it mean I’m refusing to grow up? Though I tend to doubt that bit since I reckon I can never be content with just living that kind of life. I’m too curious. Too adventurous. But I’m too much of a coward to actually risk everything. Sheesh. I’m scared of the uncertain and I like the idea that I can control things. It’s crazy how I often contradict myself. Heh.

Do I really have to have the kind of job that the society approves of? Should I really be earning a five or six-digit salary? of course, it seems improbable, though it can happen. I’m just frustrated I can’t find the kind of work i really want to do. Not unless, I can really live on what I can earn as a problogger. Hmmm. Well, that’s unconventional. If I do decide to do this full-time, it’s a huge risk — financially, mostly. Hahaha.

We have to admit that we juggle a lot of things in life and somehow get lost in it. We fail to see what it really has to offer and what we can offer back. I’m talking about life. Our minds are occupied with current events, gossips, love and relationships, family, friends, and work. Is it worth it?

I do envy the people who seem to have made sense of their own life. They have found their way in realizing their dream. They’re finding fulfillment in the work that they have and ultimately, are happy. It makes me wonder how they handled that stage in their life when they were still lost and foolish like I am. Or is there a “Living Life for Dummies” book that I can use?

In one conversation I had with someone, he had quoted, in passing, a phrase that Steve Jobs had said in a speech he made in a certain university. And something clicked in my brain. I brooded and pondered and googled it. Here’s what I found in brief:

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.

As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

And with that I find that in life, you somehow need to“stay hungry and stay foolish” because I believe that that state of mind will eventually bring you where you’re meant to be and along the way, discover who you’re meant to be.

Uh — that’s what I hope for, at least.

Prisms 7 March 2006

Posted by Sasha in Philosophy & Paradox, The Brooder, The Rambler.
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I was out in the garden having a cigarette, listening to Michelle Branch’s Something to Sleep to, when I thought of Prisms.

I had my eyes closed when I noticed that I was seeing red. Then I put my hand over my closed eyes, it was black. I knew then that light which was trying to get through my eyelid. It was a trivial thing but it amazed me.

Prism defracts white light and breaks it to the colours of the rainbow: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. And I’m curious to know why it was red that I saw. It was a given why it was black when I covered my already closed eyes, twas due to opacity.

I really enjoy the moments when I am bothered by thoughts like these. And I like Wikipedia, too.

Minor Clubbing 7 March 2006

Posted by Sasha in Philosophy & Paradox, The Brooder, The Rambler.
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I saw on the news last night that there is a club in New York, specifically put up for kids below 13 years old. Sheesh! What’s wrong with this picture? I know the US Constitution doesn’t allow minors [below 21 years old] to drink alcohol but it gives ample freedom to party their heart out at this establishment? I’m baffled.

I don’t have anything against clubbing perse, being a clubber myself but to learn that they start young nowadays? Geez. I only started commuting great distances when I went to Uni, for chrissake! Ack. This calls for some parenting classes for most then.

I wonder what kind of nightmare I’ll be encountering when I become a mum? Eek. Scary.

A beginning and an end 6 March 2006

Posted by Sasha in Philosophy & Paradox, The Brooder, The Rambler.

I just finished my last journal and about to start a new one. As tradition, I always read the entire journal after writing the last entry and it reminded me about a lot of stuff that I have felt and thought of during the period of that journal. It’s a great way to remind myself of where I’m at and where I’m going.

I realised that I’m funny. Hahaha. I actually made myself laugh out loud when reading the things I’ve written about and how I wrote them. I made myself laugh! Sheesh. A really funny thing.

I’d like to share one of my favorite entries. It’s one of the most meaningful ones for me.


Leadership 28 February 2006

Posted by Sasha in Philosophy & Paradox, The Brooder.
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“Leadership is influence.”

Just something on my mind.

My New Boots! 23 February 2006

Posted by Sasha in Philosophy & Paradox, Shoes Shoes Shoes!, Shopping, The Brooder, The Fashionista.
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I love it when I go shoe shopping! I love it when I get to go out shopping. Period. But there’s a different sort of satisfaction from finding and buying a new pair of shoes. It’s hard to describe.

I recall telling my brother-in-law a while back how shoe shopping is a really good therapy and to which he only countered that the momentary happiness it brings lasts till you get tired of the shoe thus wanting to buy more shoes. And is extended when you get to wear them for the first few times, I added good naturedly. However, I told him that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to buy more shoes. But he responded further with a lengthy statement about people not in the right financial position to indulge in such expensive therapy. Well, I had to agree with him there but we were just talking about me needing that kind of therapy.

Okay, he did make a good point. The people, who are less fortunate than some, simply cannot go on a shoe shopping binge whenever a need, real or not, arises. We do need some sort of guidance if we are not responsible enough to handle our budget. It can result to a disastrous situation if not well-looked after.

Dear me, I just wanted to celebrate my shoe find. How did I end up talking about money, spending habits and therapy? Heh.

renewed hope 10 January 2006

Posted by Sasha in Philosophy & Paradox, The Brooder.
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I try to capture every idea and thought that comes to mind every now and then but I know I always fail. Then I came to realise that perhaps it’s meant to be that way. For a thought to remain free — choosing not to be encapsulated by words. My thoughts will remain thoughts like memories of life that we can only take with us until the day that death takes us.

It is hard to let go of what life has become to me. I have not reached the end of it for I know I have yet to achieve what I came here to achieve. I will continue trying until I wake up one morning with only a single thought — that I am thankful for I have what I’ve always wanted in life. I cannot ask for anything else, anything more.