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A beginning and an end 6 March 2006

Posted by Sasha in Philosophy & Paradox, The Brooder, The Rambler.
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I just finished my last journal and about to start a new one. As tradition, I always read the entire journal after writing the last entry and it reminded me about a lot of stuff that I have felt and thought of during the period of that journal. It’s a great way to remind myself of where I’m at and where I’m going.

I realised that I’m funny. Hahaha. I actually made myself laugh out loud when reading the things I’ve written about and how I wrote them. I made myself laugh! Sheesh. A really funny thing.

I’d like to share one of my favorite entries. It’s one of the most meaningful ones for me.

I saw a shooting star last night, a night of the 1st of March. It was huge. At least I think it was a shooting star cuz it also looked like remnants of some fireworks but there were no sound that accompanied it so I want to believe that it really was a shooting star.

And I did make a wish.

My first thought was Love. Finding him. But what I went ahead and wished for was to be allowed to really live in Australia. So, yes. I wished that my migrating to this country will be successful.

But now I’m wondering what if the first thought that comes to mind right after you see a shooting star is the wish that’s valid and counted — and not the thought out wish? I want to wish for both things but I’d like to be practical and prioritise the Australia thing since that one is more important to me right now even if I have been praying for love for ages.

I know I’m being silly. Wishing on a shooting star then getting worried about which wish would be counted. Heh. Lord, I just want to believe in all the magic that’s around me. I want to believe in the purpose of your creation, tangible or not. I want to see life and everything in it as a child would — that everything is amazing, everywhere there are possibilities. All of it are magical. It takes away the stress of having to worry about anything and everything that’s happening or lacking in my life. Barely holding on to my sanity. My head hurts.

There are moments when I think I have all the answers then I’d be facing something that’s capable of shaking my faith, confusing my direction in life. Baffling me. Sometimes I think I know enough then there are bouts of hunger for knowledge. God, I miss intelligent conversations. I despise TV and computer for taking it away from me. I only have this pen and journal to dish out my thoughts. Unhealthily talking to myself. Prodding myself to go on pretending life is peachy.

I. NEED. SOMEONE. TO. TALK. TO.

Now I’m wondering if there are people out there who are like me. They still keep a journal even if they’ve been blogging. I do and I will always have one. It keeps me sane. Grounded. Secure.

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Comments»

1. Kharen - 9 March 2006

Hi Sasha

That is a brilliant piece of blog! Truly!

Just wanted to send you a quick note na “pinuyat” mo ako tonight. Been reading your blogs for almost two hours. Kept telling myself that it’s time to go to bed but I somehow kept on going.

Well, thanks for sharing. I enjoyed reading your “stuff” =)

2. theparody - 9 March 2006

Kharen: No worries. =) Thanks for letting me know, too! I appreciate that you took the time to read my ramblings and records of insanity. Hahaha. Sorry for keeping you up late, though. And I hope I’d see you around more often. =)

3. The Parody™ » A beginning and an end - 12 November 2006

[…] (more…) […]


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